


The silences between us

by evil_ontheinside



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Memories, Post-Time Skip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:33:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29161215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evil_ontheinside/pseuds/evil_ontheinside
Summary: He hates when they fight.The air around them gets heavy with tension, comfortable silence turns into deafening quiet only disturbed by sounds that are too loud to be unintentional and echo through the air.But they will figure it out. They always do.
Relationships: Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou
Comments: 6
Kudos: 68
Collections: SunaOsa Valentine's Exchange





	The silences between us

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anaccounttofollowyou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anaccounttofollowyou/gifts).



> I hope you enjoy it ^^  
> (it's not as angsty as it sounds, I promise)

There are stains on the ceiling, a few dark spots standing out against the white paint. He wonders how they got there. Was it when Atsumu stayed over last time? He knows Osamu doesn’t let his twin sleep on the couch when he visits and movie nights with those two often turn into popcorn wars or whatever they are snacking on. Rintarou has first hand experience, more than he likes. Osamu complained every time about wasted food but threw at least the same amount as his brother if not more. Perhaps they have always been there and he just never noticed.

Rintarou lies on Osamu’s bed. Well, it’s also his bed for the time he’s staying over. Osamu always tells him it could be his forever if he wanted to and it’s a nice bed but he likes his own back in Shizuoka too. They joked about it countless times. Which bed would they choose if they ever moved in together? They never found an answer, both of them too stubborn to back down. But it was a joke after all. Nothing they seriously had to think about.

The vibration of his phone drags his mind back to reality. He knows it’s somewhere. Maybe on the sheets, under the pillow, perhaps it fell into the gap like countless times before. It’s somewhere but he doesn’t really care right now, he regrets not turning off the vibration though. Normally he’d be curious about who decided to annoy him with messages but not right now. It’s probably Komori anyway, he can wait.

There is a small possibility that it’s something else. It could be his captain, trying to convince him to come back early for some extra practice. Not worth answering. Maybe it’s his sister. He would feel a bit bad for ignoring her but it’s not like it’s an emergency. Probably. Maybe it’s Atsumu, drowning him in angry messages because-

Rintarou snaps out of his thoughts when a bang echoes through the apartment. Another one follows shortly after when a cupboard door gets closed with more force than necessary.

He hates when they fight.

The air around them gets heavy with tension, comfortable silence turns into deafening quiet only disturbed by sounds that are too loud to be unintentional and echo through the air.

Even though it’s quiet, something they are used to and normally enjoy, it’s uncomfortable. It’s not the usual when they feel at home in their silences and indulge in each other’s presence. When they fight, they sulk in different rooms with too much space between them.

The good thing, or problem, is that it’s no one’s fault. Not this time. They both know it, they just need time to cool down until they talk and figure things out. They always do.

But isn’t this more serious? Isn’t this more important than all the other fights they had before?

Rintarou jumps a little at his own sigh. It’s long and dramatic and way too loud. He should have opened a window to chase the quiet away with the sounds of the outside world.

He hates fighting with Osamu. He hates seeing him hurt or sad or angry or any other negative emotion there is in the world. Though it’s not like Osamu is the only one affected.

_What do you mean ya have to think about it? Aren't we on the same page about this? Is this not important to you?_

Rintarou presses his lips together and takes a deep breath.

Thinking. That’s what he’s here for. But where should he start? Where could he start?

They’ve known each other for so long now some of their days are now only blurry images in his head, some completely gone. Despite that, he can still remember their first meeting as if it happened yesterday.

Though perhaps it wasn’t their first meeting. He doesn’t really remember the first days of school until volleyball practice started so the memories of the sleepy looking guy sitting one desk to the right never really stuck. But after that, Osamu made sure to never leave his mind ever again.

When he enters the gym, Uwasa-kun’s words ring in his head like an echo. The son of the family he’s staying with had warned him about the Miya twins. He had told him that they were a pain in the ass on good days, a literal nightmare on the worst. And here he is, looking at them from the entrance of the gym while they roll over the ground and, from the looks of it, try to rip each other’s hair out.

Not exactly how he imagined his first practice in Hyogo to go. Did he actually leave his family and home behind for this?

Someone pushes past him to get into the gym but stops on his way to the twins. The look on his face is a bit too panicked for a stupid fight between brothers in Rintarou’s opinion. But maybe the boy with the spikey hair has never seen a sibling fight before. A few seconds later he loudly tells them to stop as if they would actually listen to him. Rintarou only rolls his eyes and moves to the other side of the gym, as far away as he can. Maybe he can just ignore them. He doesn’t even have to talk to them, there are plenty other people in the club after all.

When the other first years and the rest of the volleyball club arrive one after the other, the twins get separated by Ojiro-san. The second year seems to know them and handles the situation as if he did it countless times before, maybe he has. He hands one of them to the spikey haired guy and drags the other with him in Rintarou’s direction. Rintarou looks at him for a few seconds until the twin’s face scrunches up in irritation. “What do ya want?” Without blinking he stares for a few more seconds before looking away, which earns a huff from the guy.

As coach Kurosu enters the gym everyone gathers around him. He nods toward a few of the students, before prompting everyone to introduce themselves.

Soon after they start with practice. The twins glare at each other regularly from across the gym while Rintarou decides to stay close to Oomimi-san, a calm second year sharing his position, and as far away from the twins as possible. 

But of course, luck isn’t on his side and as soon as Rintarou steps away from his upperclassman for more than ten seconds, he gets roped into trouble.

He stands there, minding his own business, when one of the twins decides to throw, or better spike, a ball at his brother. The other one, caught by surprise, shields himself with his arms and deflects the ball. It flies through the gym, only a little slower than before and hits Rintarou square in the face.

The gym goes quiet, only the ball bounces up and down as Rintarou watches blood drip from his nose and onto the floor. He closes his eyes for a long second before opening them and makes direct eye contact with the culprit.

The guy has the audacity to look annoyed when Rintarou glares at him and crosses his arms. “What do ya want?” Rintarou isn’t one for unnecessary violence, it’s just tiring and dumb but right now he’s really close to rip someone’s head off, preferably the asshole’s standing only a few steps away from him. “I want you and your shitty aim to go somewhere where you’re not a bother to everyone around you.” Rintarou feels his patience run low when the guy has the audacity to look offended. What’s wrong with those twins and why did he decide to take the risk even after he knew what he was getting into and didn’t just return home?

“Ha?! Tsumu’s the one who deflected-“

“You were the one who spiked a ball at his face!”

The spiker looks like he’s close to jumping at Rintarou’s throat when ‘Tsumu’ steps in. You might think he’d be angry at his twin for pushing all the blame on him but instead he points at Rintarou with an angry glare. “Don’t scream at my brother!” Even spikey guy Ginjima seems to be on the twins’ side when he looks at Rintarou with a wary look in his eyes. He doesn’t know what kind of relationship they have but if they aren’t at least childhood friends he doesn’t know what’s going on.

Rintarou wants to scream now and probably would have if not for the calming hand on his shoulder and the tissue shoved in his face. “Why don’t ya sit down for a moment? Until the bleedin’ stops.” He looks up at the calm smile of Oomimi-san and just nods. With the tissue pressed to his nose, he walks off to the side and sits against a wall while schooling his expression from seething into his neutral look. 

So that are the Miya twins.

Rintarou can’t help but snort slightly at the lively memory in his head. Looking back at it, that first meeting had been hilarious, though at the time he couldn’t imagine being friends with the twins when tolerating was already something close to impossible. It was probably one of the first times Osamu had been called out on his bullshit when it was normally Atsumu who got blamed because of his usual asshole behaviour. It must have been quite a shock and probably didn’t help much with his bad mood. Whenever he and Osamu had been alone afterwards, the tension was palpable and no encounter went by without insults being tossed between them like a volleyball.

All that went on for at least four months until they were paired up for a project on Amagasaki Castle and had to interact outside of practice for the first time. Rintarou remembers the pitying looks Osamu received from their other first year teammates and even though his only reaction had been an eyeroll, he still couldn’t help but wonder what he had done wrong.

That project was probably the worst Rintarou had ever done in his entire school career. Maybe because his parents hadn’t been there to kick his ass but in the end he blamed it on Osamu anyway.

Despite the bad grade and long lecture he received over the next break, it at least managed to lessen the tension between them. Without either of them noticing, they came to the silent agreement to tolerate each other.

The insult-filled moments between them were exchanged with annoyed silences and avoided gazes, as if they could’ve pretended not to notice each other if they just tried hard enough.

When thinking about that time, another really embarrassing story decides to kick in the door to his brain. For years he tried to forget about the whole thing but neither his teammates nor his own brain seem to agree with him on that one.

Uwasa-kun was really consistent in his Miya-Twins-rants. At least once per week he decided to talk about them and how much they annoyed him even though Rintarou had been the one who had to endure them in class and during club activities all the time. Rintarou could understand the frustration over having to support the volleyball team even though the brass band had to prepare for their own competitions but he didn’t have to hear about it every single day, in school, on the way home, at dinner and during breakfast.

After one frustrating loss at nationals, Rintarou might have lost his composure a bit and told Uwasa-kun just what he thought about his rants and that not everyone on the volleyball team was as insufferable as he thought and not even the twins were as annoying when it came to his endless complaining. Uwasa then might have stormed off and hadn’t talked to him for a whole week while Rintarou had to face the embarrassment of his teammates standing only a few steps away from the whole scene.

Other than finally solving the tension between him and the other first years, that moment really was nothing more than embarrassing. Something he would love to just delete from his memory but his former teammates are persistent and keep bringing it up every single reunion, even if he can’t attend in person. Akagi even set a reminder for the ‘yearly anniversary’ and brought a cake to practice one time. It had cost Rintarou a painful amount of blackmail material for Akagi to keep his mouth shut in front of his new teammates.

These days, Rintarou does have to admit that the incident might have led him to his current situation. Not the fight but his relationship with Osamu, so maybe losing his composure back then hadn’t been that bad after all.

As much as he wouldn’t have thought to ever get along with the twins, it’s now even harder to imagine a life without them, especially Osamu.

Still, the time after the incident had been weird. Especially the day Osamu decided to pull his chair to Rintarou’s desk and place his lunch on top of it, giving Rintarou a challenging look, as if to dare him to say something. After a few seconds of staring (only to not give in immediately), he looked back down on his phone without a word.

They sat there in silence, without any idea of what to say. They were used to angry stares, hidden or obvious insults or just ignoring one another but sitting together, being friends, had been new. It had been awkward for a while until it wasn’t anymore. It wasn’t a sudden change but weeks spent in silence in each other’s presence, made them normal, even comfortable. After a few months, they not only enjoyed each other’s company but also managed to understand each other without words.

A raised eyebrow or small twitch of the lips said more than the few words they exchanged with each other.

All that hasn’t changed. They are still able to do that, now maybe even better than before. One look at Osamu and Rintarou knows if he enjoys the show on the TV or wants to watch something else. One look to know if he needs a hug or a joke to feel better. One look to know if he wants to spend the day at home or go out.

Sometimes Rintarou forgets that Osamu can read him just the same but always gets reminded every time a blanket is draped over his shoulder or a Chuupet is placed in front of him when he craved one the whole day or he gets hugged after an exhausting practice and stressful travel or a low voice lulls him to sleep.

He smiles fondly and rolls over, planting his face in a pillow. Osamu’s pillow. It smells like him. He takes a deep breath as he remembers the first time he noticed that he likes Osamu’s smell. And maybe some other things about him too.

Rintarou isn’t entirely sure how they ended up in this situation. Coach decided one fateful morning to drag the whole team to visit a park as a team bonding activity. The park isn’t exactly in Amagasaki but close enough to be considered a short trip. Close to the ocean with a restaurant, a flower garden and a wide grass field so that the ‘kids can run out their energy’.

Rintarou wasn’t really looking forward to it, especially because it’s a Sunday so no school or practice and yet he still has to hang around with his teammates.

Due to Kita’s request they all find themselves in the flower garden only minutes after their arrival. Kurosu walks up ahead while everyone else follows, talking with Kita about different flowers and plants and how this is a wonderful place to take a dog on a walk.

Rintarou, not in the best mood after having to wake up early on a Sunday morning, walks at the back, disinterested and annoyed. Sure, the flowers are pretty and smell nice but lying in his bed fast asleep sounds a lot more appealing at the moment.

So he trails behind with everyone keeping their distance after not even Oomimi, who normally gets at least a decent answer, managed to get Rintarou to say more than three words in a row. At one point he decides to stop moving, feigning to take some pictures just to see if anyone would notice.

They don’t so Rintarou sits down on one of the benches. He’d have to listen to Kurosu’s scolding later on but at the moment he is beyond care. So he scrolls mindlessly through his phone until he gets bored and actually takes some pictures of the nearby flowers.

After taking an especially nice one with a bee sitting on top of the flower, a shadow casts over him and gets his attention.

Osamu stands behind him, looking down on his phone and at the picture he just took. “The others are lookin’ for ya.” Rintarou stands up with a yawn, stretching his arms over his head as he does. “Kurosu’s pissed off ‘cause ya stayed behind.” Osamu’s voice sounds bored though he can hear something close to amusement in his tone, probably imagining the screaming Rintarou will have to endure as soon as they join the rest of the team.

“I just took some pictures. Didn’t he say we should enjoy nature a little? So not my fault.” Osamu smirks slightly at that and bumps into Rintarou’s shoulder.

As they walk, Rintarou feels his bad mood shrink away until it’s gone. Maybe it’s the calmness around him, the nice view with all the different flowers blooming or maybe it’s Osamu’s company that always seems to calm him down. He can’t even imagine to hate him anymore even though he knows that he did not that long ago.

He feels something brush his hand and is suddenly very aware of Osamu walking right beside him. How their hands brush briefly and how their shoulders touch from time to time.

If not for their teammates only ten minutes away this would feel like a date. Walking through a park, being close to each other, stopping on a bridge to watch the river wash gently over the stone beneath them: straight out of some romance novel. If he moves his hand only a little bit to the left, he could touch Osamu’s and maybe lace their fingers together.

Though of course, for this to be a date he would have to like Osamu, which he doesn’t. He doesn’t like the small smiles, the way the skin around his eyes crinkles when he laughs, how he calls his name before school when they meet in front of the gate-

Maybe he has a problem. At least he doesn’t like his smell. Teenagers smell disgusting no matter what they do and especially when they play volleyball. But if Osamu smells disgusting, why does Rintarou inhale a little bit deeper when the wind carries a familiar scent over to him? A smell he can’t even describe but knows it’s what the Miya’s home smells like but different. A little greyer, a little more deadpan expression, a little more Osamu.

Rintarou decides to steal a glance at Osamu even though his head tells him it’s a terrible idea and he should just keep staring at the water. When he sees Osamu’s relaxed smile, he knows why his head is now screaming at him for being a dumbass. Though his heart just sighs in relief as if that was the thing it missed all its life. In its excitement it skips a beat and then stops for a second when Osamu’s eyes move to look at him and his smile gets a little wider.

Years later, Rintarou figured out that he wasn’t the only one who felt like that could have been a date. They both laughed about it for weeks but eventually went back to have an actual date. They looked at the flowers, visited the restaurant and even ordered the same dishes they did the first time. When they went to the bridge again and stood there side by side looking down on the rushing water, he didn’t hesitate to take Osamu’s hand but his heart still decided to pause for a second when Osamu looked at him. This time his smile was even brighter than back in high school.

Rintarou really likes Osamu’s smile. He smiles more often now but back then it was a rare sight. But of course he likes it, it’s a part of the man he loves after all.

Thinking of smiles, Rintarou loves when Osamu is relaxed. His face is calm and he looks content. He has that look when he thinks no one is watching, especially when he’s cooking, or while he sleeps. When Osamu is asleep, his mouth opens a little and his lips pull up into a tiny smile. He tends to mumble incoherent words Rintarou can’t make any sense of, no matter how hard he tries.

Osamu always had the habit of taking a nap no matter where they are. Rintarou often had the possibility to look at him during lunch when he decided to rest his head on his table and closed his eyes. Rintarou, sitting at his own desk, and Osamu sleeping one desk to the right.

That time Osamu fell asleep on his shoulder had been a completely different thing though. The way a weight rested on his shoulder on the bus ride home after their second Spring Nationals had him jump slightly. He immediately stilled when he saw him.

Peaceful face, cheek squished against Rintarou’s jacket, hair falling into his face. Rintarou didn’t move, afraid that every rustle of fabric or breath could be too loud and wake him up. He resisted to brush his hands through Osamu’s soft looking hair even though it probably felt like straw with how often he and Atsumu had to redye it. 

He knew he was blushing and not only by his reflection in the window but also by Atsumu’s shit eating grin and the picture that later showed up in the group chat taken by none other than Akagi, who winked at him just after he stepped out of the bus.

Maybe that was how Osamu found out about Rintarou’s feelings. Maybe he had just been obvious from the start and oblivious at the same time to Osamu’s hints.

Rintarou rolls back around on his back with a chuckle but takes the pillow with him. He presses it to his chest and hugs it tight before he takes another deep breath.

“-and don’t think I’m gonna forget how you skipped out on practice last week Sunarin! Ya gonna have to work extra hard this week!” Rintarou only rolls his eyes as a reaction to Atsumu’s endless post practice rant. Ever since he became captain only a few months ago he seemed to be determined to be even more annoying than before. 

And he hadn’t skipped practice. He only valued his precious after practice time and didn’t stay longer like he had the week before. He does plan on pursuing volleyball professionally; he can’t just skip practice whenever he wants to. (And there is definitely no other reason for his early departure, not at all.)

He yawns with his eyes on his phone, Ginjima, Atsumu and Kosaku in front of him and Osamu to his right, while their Captain continues to talk about strategies for this year’s Nationals and Spring Nationals as if all their tournaments before are already won.

He doesn’t mind that Osamu walks so close to him because he’s distracted. If he were to start thinking about it right now, he’d probably start panicking and make silly excuses to get away as soon as possible.

He’s not avoiding Osamu. Not at all actually. Or better, it’s hard to avoid him when they spend so much time together and he isn’t willing to cut away from his Osamu time just because of his dumb feelings. Not happening.

He still tries not to be alone with him too often. Lunches are now spent with the rest of the third years and not alone in their classroom, practices are not left when it’s only the two of them, on bus drives they are squeezed into the last row with at least Atsumu between them. It may sound dumb and ridiculous, and it probably is, but at least Rintarou is distracted most of the time he’s around Osamu. Even his grades got better after he forced himself to look at the board instead of Osamu’s profile. So it’s not entirely bad.

At least that’s what he thought until that very moment, when a hand grabs his arm and suddenly pulls him into the alley way between their go-to konbini and that new ramen restaurant that opened a few weeks ago.

Before he can react, his back meets the cold stone wall behind him and Osamu’s hands are closed around the collar of his shirt. Rintarou just stares with wide eyes, mouth slightly open but without a sound leaving him, completely stunned. He still hears Atsumu’s voice, a little distant now but it seems the others didn’t notice their disappearance. Or they simply don’t care that Rintarou just got kidnapped by Osamu.

“I’ve had enough of your shit.” Osamu’s voice is close to a growl, which makes Rintarou flinch. Even though it’s unlikely going to happen to him, he had seen Osamu kick Atsumu through the gym. He knows what he’s capable of. He closes his mouth and just stares. Then his brain starts to work again.

What shit is Osamu talking about? Is he weirded out by Rintarou’s stares? By how he acts around him? He always thought he had himself under control but maybe he didn’t.

“Yer avoiding me.” Rintarou opens his mouth to protest because he just had that train of thought and came to the conclusion that he is NOT avoiding Osamu but a hand stops him from saying anything. Now, Rintarou could be a normal human being and let Osamu talk because he obviously still has something to say, but why would he?

He licks his palm and Osamu scrunches up his nose in reaction, which is kind of cute, but doesn’t move otherwise. Well, it was to be expected but still worth a try.

“We’ve been hanging out less and I know why. Even though I really can’t be any more obvious ya still manage to overlook every single hint I give ya.” Rintarou blinks a few times before furrowing his brows in confusion. Osamu sighs at the sight and removes his hand from his mouth to place it on the wall instead.

“Yer really not makin’ this easy.” It’s more of a mumble and probably not meant for Rintarou’s ears to hear but what can he do when they stand so close together which is- oh. Really close. He can see the pores on Osamu’s face and the specks of grey in his brown eyes. He feels his ears heat up but they are thankfully hidden by his hair.

“I like you. A lot. But yer too dumb to realize that even though I know you like me too.” Normally Rintarou would be offended. He isn’t the smartest especially when it comes to school but dumb takes it a bit too far. But his brain chooses to focus on another part of what Osamu said. The other thing. The ‘I like you’ especially.

“You- what?” Osamu sighs again and rolls his eyes as if Rintarou isn’t allowed to be completely stunned by this new development. New to him at least.

“Do I have to spell it out for ya? I like you. And I’m hinting at it for months now but all ya do is stay away from me. And every time I see ya I just wanna kiss ya so you finally understand but I know that would just freak ya out.” Osamu actually blushes a little but his eyes stay determinedly fixed on Rintarou’s green ones.

He can feel the heat wander from his ears to the rest of his face as his brain slows down to a halt but still tries to come up with an acceptable response. It’s embarrassing and infuriating how little all this seems to affect Osamu.

“Well, what are you waiting for then?” He tries to sound teasing with a smirk on his face, but he’s sure the effect gets lost behind the red colour of his skin and the slight tremble in his voice. Judging by the grin on Osamu’s face it doesn’t convince him either.

His whole facade shatters as soon as Osamu cups his face with gentle hands and pulls him closer until their lips meet. It’s weird. Having other lips on his own. With their noses nearly slamming into each other, it’s not a perfect kiss at all. But it’s their first.

When Osamu pulls away and opens his eyes again he bursts out into laughter at Rintarou’s expression, face the colour of a tomato and still trying to comprehend what just happened. But at the sound of Osamu’s laugh he can’t help but smile a little even though punching the other sounds very tempting at the moment.

Osamu slowly reaches for Rintarou’s fingers and laces them together with a happy smile.

With an embarrassingly red face, Rintarou presses the pillow on his face. The smell is still there but his mind can’t really concentrate on it anymore with that memory so lively in his head. Osamu always manages to catch him off guard. He normally starts with something sappy that Rintarou secretly finds endearing and he tries to counter with either something equally sappy or a snarky comment but Osamu never fails to top whatever he comes up with.

He tries to move on in his head, away from the memory in the alley way but it doesn’t get much better. They continue as normal and even though a lot of people said that they already acted like a couple before they got together, some start to question their silences. They say that couples should have endless topics to talk about, share every secret they have and not sit around without anything to say.

The problem was, they were still in High school. They were seventeen-year-old boys who didn’t know what their life would bring. Why would they share everything about themselves with someone that could be a distant memory in a few years? Of course, neither of them hoped for that scenario but you never know.

But still, they tried. They let others convince them that talking is what couples have to do with easy conversation coming to them at any given moment. But soon they realised that it was harder than it sounded.

Their normal silences were filled with tension again. They felt like they had to fill the silences but they ran out of things to talk about quicker than they imagined. It reminded Rintarou of their first months knowing each other, those months he didn’t want to ever go back to, now that he had found such a good friend in Osamu. The boyfriend part wasn’t even that important.

The thought of breaking up just to get back into their normal routine crossed his mind more often than he liked to admit but Osamu probably had similar ideas.

On Valentine’s Day, after they returned from their date in one of those cute cafes some of the girls in their class often went to, they sat down in Osamu’s room. Atsumu was somewhere but neither of them really cared, both too occupied with coming up with a topic to talk about. Sitting in the cafe in silence had been awkward enough. When Osamu left the room with a mumbled ‘this is ridiculous’ after ten minutes of total silence and awkward glances, Rintarou had what he called ‘the moment’.

The moment when he realised that they didn’t have to be like other couples. Their silences were comfortable; why would they stop being that just because they were in a relationship? Just because that’s not how other couples work?

Why should a simple label change how they acted around each other to the point neither of them felt comfortable anymore? Osamu had been right, this was ridiculous but just because they made it that way.

When Osamu returned, he told him just that. That they didn’t have to be like others. Their silences could be their love language if they wanted to, which Osamu laughed at. But it was true. They didn’t need endless talks to get along or feel like they loved each other. They just had to be them and that was enough.

Maybe that last part had been a bit too sappy because not even Osamu managed to say anything after that but at least they went back to normal. And Rintarou had missed that. Being comfortable around each other again no matter what they were doing or how much they were talking.

And even though the date itself had been horrible, Rintarou still thinks it’s one of the best Valentine’s Days they ever had together.

And he still loves it. Sometimes, their silences are the best part of his day. When the gym was too loud and practice was too overwhelming and he doesn’t feel like seeing another human being in the next few months, visiting Osamu still calms him down. It’s the silent understanding, the fact that they don’t have to talk to know what the other needs.

Because that’s just how they are and he wouldn’t want to change it for anything in the world.

But of course, not everything stayed like that. Graduation came quicker than they expected and soon they were confronted with the harsh reality of what their lives would be. Osamu, going to Osaka to learn how to open a business, Rintarou off to Shizuoka to play for EJP Raijin.

Graduation was an affair of tears for everyone. Not an eye stayed dry and even their Coach was seen taking off his glasses when they visited the gym one last time. Three years had felt like a lifetime but time didn’t stop. It didn’t slow down to give them one more moment or one more game. It went on.

The day Rintarou hopped on the train to go back to Aichi and from there to Shizuoka, Osamu had said his goodbyes at the station. They didn’t break up. They thought about it, talked about it even but decided against it. They didn’t struggle over the last year with their relationship to finally get comfortable again just to end it because of a few hours of distance.

They promised each other a lot. Phone calls at least twice a week, regular texts, visits whenever they can. They hugged and kissed and maybe it felt a little like a goodbye. Not for forever but for the time being. A hopeful ‘wait for me’ even though they didn’t plan to wait. They planned to walk beside each other, together towards their dreams.

Rintarou rolls his eyes at himself for still thinking that. Osamu’s influence made him soft over the years, not that it’s unexpected. He always felt softer whenever Osamu was around and not necessarily in a bad way. Softer means easier to crack and harder to hide feelings and emotions. Osamu is the reason he now laughs more often, grins and smiles even when it’s not at someone else’s expense.

Even though it’s hard they made it work and they still do even after all those years. Video calls became their new friends and texts are sent most days. Osamu shows up to all the games he can manage and Rintarou visits him whenever he is on break. Two hours aren’t that far away from each other but with their busy schedules and Rintarou’s constant traveling all around the country, seeing each other regularly is still a struggle. But they manage.

More than once had people tried to talk him out of this. His parents, every time he visited even though they liked Osamu too and thought they were good for each other. His teammates, whenever he was late to practice on Monday because he spent the weekend in Osaka and missed the last train. Some magazines on the internet, that somehow decided they had something to say about how he spends his time off the court. A long distance relationship is something for a period of time not for forever. Sometimes, Rintarou thinks that too. Of course he wants to come home to someone instead of an empty apartment but if it’s with Osamu? He doesn’t really mind.

Even apart he feels comfortable around him. Listening to whatever Osamu tells him about his day, while he works around in his kitchen. Hearing Osamu’s faint snores and the buzz of some TV show when their calls went on for too long again. Just sitting in silence but knowing the other is there. Knowing that he could speak up any moment and Osamu would answer because he’s there even if not in the same prefecture.

Why would he give up on that? When everything works out fine? Of course he would prefer to see him every day and yes, he has whined to Komori and Washio more times than he would like to admit when he hasn’t seen him in over a month, but that doesn’t matter. Not when he can hear Osamu’s voice in the morning with a coffee in his hand. When they always manage to recover after fights and a week of complete silence just because one of them shows up in front of the other’s door.

And now there is the chance for them to be together. Forever. The box is still on display in the living room with a ring inside.

Osamu had proposed out of nowhere. No hint beforehand, no talk, nothing. Maybe the talks about moving in together were supposed to be hints but Rintarou didn’t pick up on it. He never does.

Of course Rintarou has to think things through. He wasn’t prepared for that question, didn’t even think about marriage before today. He wanted to say yes but he would have regretted it, he knows himself. The thoughts would have plagued him over weeks with doubts and stupid ideas until he had to reject Osamu after already agreeing. He needs to come to terms with it before. Needs to think of possibilities and scenarios to convince his mind that this is the right decision.

Still, the hurt look in Osamu’s eyes and then his angry voice made Rintarou nearly regret his decision. He hates that he can’t give Osamu what he wants right away. He can’t give him an answer yet.

So, what would it mean to be married to Osamu? What does ‘being married’ mean?

He thinks of lazy mornings. Waking up next to each other, cuddling while the sun rises and illuminates their bedroom. Rintarou brews the first coffee of the day while Osamu makes breakfast. A playlist plays in the background, Osamu’s soft hums mix with the delicious smells in the air. Draping himself over Osamu’s back while he watches his hands do the magic and opens his mouth from time to time to taste whatever Osamu decides to feed him today. Tangling their legs together under the table while they enjoy the food, which sometimes ends up in a fight and with someone falling to the ground. Soon after laughter fills the air.

He thinks of grocery shopping. Checking the kitchen and writing a list with shouts echoing through the apartment when they remember something else they need. Walking through the isles on the hunt for what they are looking for. Secretly placing items into their bags when the other isn’t looking only to discover at the register that both of them did it. Sorting everything in the right place because both of them know where everything belongs in their shared kitchen.

He thinks of bad days. Coming home after a tiring day and getting greeted by Osamu with a smile and a hug and the promise of chuupets. Seeing Osamu’s tired face after work and giving him all the hugs he needs to feel better. Enjoying a bath pressed against each other when both of them feel too tired to do anything, sometimes resulting in little water fights and always in washing each other’s hair.

He thinks of winters. Huddling together under three blankets to keep warm. The smell of candles in the air, regularly switching between each other’s favourite scents. Self-made cookies baking in the oven and hot chocolate in their hands. Visits to the ice rink, slowly learning how to skate together until they can make fun of Atsumu the next time they invite him to come along.

He thinks of summers. Windows wide open, chasing every little breeze that might help against the heat. Chuuptes thrown into the freezer and ice cubes melting in the bathtub. Late nights in the nearby park watching the stars above them and finally cooling down after a long day.

He thinks of evenings spent at home. Cooking together in the kitchen, both of them adding to the food what they think is best, sometimes coming up with weird combinations, sometimes creating something entirely new that tastes better than every version they tried before. Lounging on the couch with Osamu’s head in his lap, putting snacks in his mouth while they watch some show on the TV, hands intertwined on Osamu’s chest. Being pulled up from the bed because ‘their song’ is playing even though it’s a different one every time and swaying through the bedroom, both of them laughing and smiling.

“Huh.” Rintarou can’t help but say it out loud because huh, they already do that. They cook together, go grocery shopping, dance through the apartment, wake up next to each other.

He understands Atsumu’s disgusted looks now whenever he is over when Rintarou is too, telling them to not rub their perfect relationship in his face or that they remind him of Kita and Oomimi drinking tea.

Maybe it’s just like when they got together. After they got over the whole talking thing they just acted like before. Sure, holding hands became more frequent and kissing started to be a thing but other than that, not much changed.

Does being married change much? Not really. Osamu would either move to Shizuoka after opening his new branch or Rintarou could look for a different team back in Osaka, maybe even MSBY if they wanted to have him. He could even retire and just start working at Onigiri Miya together with Osamu or decide to take his hobby of photography to a new level.

Though these are changes, it doesn’t change anything between them. They would see each other more often obviously but everything that screams married life is something they already do.

Maybe he doesn’t need his bed that bad. Perhaps he doesn’t mind using Osamu’s here in Osaka, it’s a nice bed after all. And maybe he doesn’t mind because it smells like him, smells like home. Because home isn’t a place. It’s a feeling and that feeling is Osamu. Osamu is his home and Rintarou feels dumb for thinking about this for so long when the answer is so clear in front him now.

Marrying Osamu is what he wants to do. He needs it if only to make him happy and make sure he is never going to leave him.

Osamu looks frustrated even though he’s cooking. What it is, Rintarou can’t tell but it smells delicious like always. His movements are practiced and purposeful, no clumsiness like back in high school when he first tried out every Onigiri recipe he could get his hands on. Still, even though Rintarou can’t see his face, his body is stiff, full of frustration. He can imagine the frown on his face and his own mood gets punched down a few levels.

Maybe Osamu doesn’t want to marry him anymore. Maybe he doesn’t want an answer right now because he’s still angry.

But he deserves to know, even if it doesn’t make a difference anymore.

When walking up to him, Rintarou deliberately bumps against a shelf as not to scare him. Osamu turns around and Rintarou can see the frown he imagined only seconds ago melt away into different emotions. He spots anger, regret, sadness and disappointment before it settles on a tired fondness. He sighs and meets him halfway, the food abandoned on the counter.

First it looks like he wants to take Rintarou’s hands but he doesn’t and just stands in front of him, looking into his eyes.

“I’m sorry. I know ya need time to think. I overreacted. Just take your time, I can wait.” It looks like Osamu wants to say more but Rintarou takes his hands and shuts him up successfully. He can’t help but smile and watch Osamu. For a second he looks irritated before it disappears in favour of fondness. Rintarou isn’t sure how he deserves him but he knows that neither of them have to apologise. It’s not their fault but Osamu already did it so he obviously has to too.

“Don’t be. But when you’re sorry then I’m sorry too.” He rubs his thumbs over Osamu’s calloused hands and looks down on them, little cuts are scattered all over his skin from years of cooking. “You didn’t overreact. This is just very important to both of us.” He meets Osamu’s eyes again and sees relief in them as if Rintarou could have been mad about this.

“I really would have loved to give you an answer right away, but you know me.” Osamu nods and his smile becomes a bit brighter just like his eyes. Maybe he remembers something just like Rintarou did a little while ago. He’s curious what the other is thinking about.

Osamu raises their hands and presses a kiss to his fingers. He can feel the heat on his cheeks immediately and asks himself if there will ever be a time Osamu can’t make him blush with a simple tender kiss to his hands. He’s not sure if he actually wants that.

“Samu.” He only hums in response, now pressing a kiss to each of his knuckles gaze on his hands with loving eyes.

“I would love to marry you.”

Osamu stops in his movements. For a second, Rintarou fears it wasn’t the right time to say it but those thoughts disappear into thin air when Osamu meets his eyes. When his gaze was loving before, what is this now? Rintarou can’t even describe how bright his eyes shine and how wide his smile is, just how happy he looks.

He catches Rintarou off guard again when he starts to press kisses all over his face. Rintarou scrunches up his nose but can't get away with Osamu's hands now cupping his face, not that he wants to. Osamu only chuckles at his expression and soon Rintarou finds himself joining in. When Osamu stops, he doesn't let go of his face and instead presses their foreheads together. Their eyes meet as they just stare, both smiling. Osamu's eyes are beautiful. Osamu is beautiful.

Rintarou didn’t notice how the time went by and that it’s already dark outside. He finds himself on the bed again but this time not alone. Osamu’s arms are wrapped around him and his head rests on Rintarou’s chest. His breathing is even and he hasn’t stopped smiling, carrying it beyond consciousness and into his dreams. Rintarou tightens his own hold around Osamu and presses a light kiss on top of his head.

It’s silent, only Osamu’s breathing in the air. But that’s ok. Silences with Osamu are comfortable. Just as they should be.


End file.
